4 posts tagged “musing”

We go through this phase many times in our lives. There may be times that we feel so insecure about ourselves and many times over, we give up before even trying. If you've ever felt this way, don't worry too much about it. I've been in similar situations too in the past, but a little new knowledge and time work wonders on me. The key to defeating the feelings of worthlessness?

Boost your self esteem!

Like it or not, your level of self-esteem defines your personality. A person with good and pleasant personality is a person who always thinks rationally. Thinking positive is good too, but only to a certain extent. The best you can do to help yourself is by rationalising - get in touch with the inner you. Here's what you can do boost your self-esteem for a better personality and a more pleasant relationship of any kind:

1. Avoid criticising or insulting yourself when you make mistakes. Admit your mistakes, but rationalise with yourself about the nature of the mistakes. Don't jump to telling yourselves "I can never do anything right!'" or "That's it, I'm cursed!" or "I'm just plain stupid". Instead, tell yourselves something like "I'll do better next time" or "Maybe I was not careful enough. I'll be more careful next time" or even "I'm a human too, and it's normal for us humans to make mistakes at some points in our lives!".

2. Cope with your problems, don't 'mope' around with your problem. Thinking about problems at hand and not do anything will make it worse. Instead of feeling blue all over because of your problems, remind yourselves that there are other people out there who face more serious, life-threatening problems compared to you.

Keep in mind that the only person who can help us is ourselves. Other people can only help make we feel better, but to overcome it completely is a task we are responsible for. If we love ourselves, we have to start helping ourselves.

"There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues." - Washington Irving -

I used to think that tears are the ultimate symbol of one's weakness - his inability to cope with conflicts and troubles at hand which prompted him to cry in helplessness. It took me well over a few years to realise that tears do not make one weak. In fact, the warm drops of water from the well of the eyes have the the power to make us stronger than we were.

Don't be afraid to cry. When were born, the first thing we did was cry. There's nothing to be ashamed of even if you were to shed tears in a crowd full of people. To be able to cry is already courage in itself and that is something that you should be proud of. At times when you feel at your lowest, bluest, crying will help you lift some weight off your shoulders.

Take my case for example. Back when I still insisted that tears are disgusting, I could not bring myself to look at the mirror, afraid to see my face marred with helpless tears trickling down my cheeks reddened by anger. I was overcome with self-hate; when I cry, it was always because I could not contain my anger and my feelings. Needless to say, I was extremely ugly everytime I cried back then. And not to mention exceptionally loud too. There was one time that I fell asleep crying.

That one time where I fell asleep made me realise something I never paid attention to before. After crying, I felt a lot better. My head felt lighter, and I could barely remember why I was so upset in the first place. Bundled with self motivation and a little research into the world of self-healing, I found out about the ultimate healing powers in tears.

Tears can lift your mood as they alleviate the veil of darkness we put over ourselves. I have now come to realise that even though crying does not solve anything (as many people like to quote), it does help make us feel better. If we simply keep everything to ourselves, pretending to be overly happy when the truth is the complete opposite, it would be like driving ourselves to the brink of suicide.

The bottom line is: Do not be ashamed of your tears. Let it all out and when it's over, you'll feel better than ever.

1. I get jealous very easily though I don't show it much.
2. I'm actually quite possessive when it comes to... certain things.
3. I have very low self-concept, though quite moderate self-confidence.
4. I often find myself undecided at times.
5. I never confessed to the person that I like because all of the time, I am convinced that he does not feel the same way as I do.
6. I get emotional most of the time.
7. Sometimes, if you see me smile, I may not be smiling a 'real' smile.
8. I am obsessed with computer-related stuff.
9. I detest vegetables, all kind of vegetables. Yes, I mean it.
10. I dislike icing on cakes.
11. I love fruits, with the exception of papaya, kiwi, durian, and some other fruits I'm not quite familiar with.
12. I love strawberries, particularly when not dipped in chocolate or sugar.
13. I'm addicted to coffee.
14. I dislike cinemas.
15. I love drawing.
16. I really love writing.
17. I like to read novels - historical mysteries, historical romances, magical stuff, etc. Just don't give me Chick Lit.
18. I like to hum to my own tunes, or to my favourite songs whenever possible.
19. I daydream a lot.
20. I think my mind is very much imaginative.
21. I was called 'nerd' and 'geek' in my previous school.
22. I was a very bad member of my previous school's Student Council, as was my role in the Board of Prefects. It was funny how the teachers never found out the pretentious side of me... Hm...
23. I currently like someone. Very much. Not that I'll ever tell him, though. Well, not directly, at least.
24. I have an unhealthy amount of fear of rejection.
25. I love blogging.
26. I read and write shounen-ai/ yaoi stuff.
27. I don't really like writing in short forms a.k.a SMS language.
28. I play the keyboard/piano, violin and flute.
29. I wish, internet access is available everywhere. I mean, EVERYWHERE.
30. I love still photography as well as video photography.
31. My most favourite colours are black and purple.
32. I like to take baths at random hour after midnight.
33. Dreams and nightmares scare me.
34. Most of the time, I tend to forget I'm replying to an SMS until I look at the screen and see the unfinished reply.
35. I get Kinetosis unless I'm the one driving the car, even if the distance is only about 10km.
36. My pill box is stuffed with dietary supplements, tranquilisers, anti-depressants and Paracetamol.
37. I can be very stingy when and if I want to.
38. I curse.
39. I don't really look forward to studying in Auckland next year.
40. I get frustrated when my emotion is unstable.

I haven't been writing for a long time. I'm afraid that if I don't start again now, I might lose my sense of identity completely. So let's start with small little things first before moving on to longer ones.

These are a few things my mind wondered about the past couple of days. Some of them might not be compliant to what other people think, but these are my words and what I think...

• People are often attracted to the one person most likely to reject them... but sometimes, that's only because what they know about each other is incomplete.
• Loving someone may mean that you'll feel pain - it's a part of the cycle of life, love and loss. In a sense, though, only the things that are painful to lose are worth loving in the first place.
• Nothing in this world is truly black, and of course nothing is truly white as well. We live in shades of grey. When we think that we're 'good' (white), the chances of us having 'bad' (black) qualities are higher because we tend to think that they are 'good' too when it's not.
• We are not likely to give up because of our insecurities. Society influences us a great deal. It is only sad how opinion changes because of what other people say instead of our very own judgement of the decision we wanted to make.
• Insecurities do not make people paranoid and fret over things. It's the fear that other people know about their insecurities that make them paranoid - if they feel this way, they'll be always conscious as to what others think about them.
• Perfection is overrated. People know for a fact that nothing is ever perfect, but they still cry when something does not turn out perfect in the end.. And then the excuse would always be 'nothing is perfect'. Perfection, to me, is only about perception, not really the condition of the matter. People only cry over 'imperfection' because they are afraid to admit that they've made mistakes, hence shouldering the blame on the 'nature of perfection'.

*sigh*